


Hoseok's man

by aqashahadhir



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, With some additional fluff in-between, monsta x - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 09:49:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14998253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqashahadhir/pseuds/aqashahadhir
Summary: He burns himself with the love he couldn't have,and suffocate his lungs with the feelings he's not meant to give.





	Hoseok's man

Kihyun has always been Hoseok’s man.

 

Hoseok’s person.

 

Even back when they were trainees. Hoseok has always been the person that Kihyun sees first, that Kihyun unconsciously flocked to.

The one that he looked up to with barely-concealed adoration in his brown orbs.

It’s inevitable, really.

Hoseok was the first one who welcomes Kihyun wholeheartedly, with warm eyes, bright smile, and open arms (in both metaphorical and literal sense.). Unlike Hyunwoo, and Minhyuk, and several other trainees who immediately treated the smaller male as a threat.

A _competition_.

Another hindrance to be eliminated in order for them to achieve their dreams.

(To be fair, they were young at that time, and very much desperate to debut. Everyone’s a competition. Including themselves.)

 

So, it’s only natural for Kihyun to warm up to Hoseok. To instantly be enamoured by the other male. Kihyun in no time took the role as a constant companion to his older counterpart.

Hyunwoo did not begrudge the smaller guy. Hoseok is a pretty easy guy to like.

 

And thus, Hoseok and Kihyun became _Hoseok and Kihyun_.

 

One won’t go anywhere without the other, and very rarely to find one of them without the other glued by the other’s side.

Lee Hoseok – Yoo Kihyun.

Yoo Kihyun – Lee Hoseok.

Both of them made quite a formidable pair.

One was a very much respected senior trainee. Handsome, sturdy, a strong pillar for the other younger trainees. A born, compassionate leader.

The other was a talented newcomer. Bright, gifted, an unpolished diamond. A superstar in-the-making.

Everyone noticed the dynamics between both of them, their _interactions_.

Kihyun looked up to Hoseok as if he’s the Sun orbiting his world. Shining brightly, enveloping him with Hoseok’s own special kind of warmth.

And Hoseok looked upon Kihyun with soft eyes full of amazement, admiration, and pure adoration. Always helplessly attracted to the other male, like a moth attracted to the flame.

 

If Hoseok were the Sun, then Kihyun is his Moon.

 

If Kihyun were the Light, then Hoseok is his Shadow.

 

They compliment each other so much, and Hyunwoo had never seen a pair that’s as perfect as them.

Perfect for each other.

Perfect _with_ each other.

 

Hyunwoo admire both of them.

For their talent.

For their resilience.

For their strength.

For their beauty.

For their _bond._

 

And Hyunwoo should’ve just kept his admiration until that point only.

 

But since when did life ever works as how Hyunwoo wanted to?

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kihyun was the first (and perhaps the _only_ ) person who openly, outwardly, and _obviously_ expressed his discontent over the management’s decision to make Hyunwoo the leader of their group.

 

After the shit show that was No.Mercy (Hyunwoo’s not going to lie, the programme had taken at least 20 years of his life, and _more_ ), it was decided that the seven of them will debut in a group.

 

In Hyunwoo’s opinion, the most obvious thing that came out of that show was how divided their members were.

 

While it was a no-brainer that Jooheon and Minhyuk had always look up to him and all, Hyungwon on the other hand had gotten really close to Hoseok (and by association, Kihyun) throughout the course of the show. Their maknae though, he’s still awkward with most of the others aside from Kihyun (who had immediately ~~self~~ -proclaim him as his child and taken the r ~~eluctant~~ boy under his metaphorical wing), and Jooheon, _sometimes_.

 

So it’s easy to see who’s the one celebrating and who’s the one protesting when Hyunwoo was to be their leader, their frontman.

 

To be honest, it wouldn’t be such a huge matter if it was _really_ Hyunwoo that’s to be selected in the first place.

 

It was _precisely because_ he was **not** the first choice that Kihyun and Hyungwon (though it’s mostly Kihyun really) threw such a fit.

 

See, Hyunwoo knows himself.

Hyunwoo knows what kind of person he is.

While he’s not the worst choice there is, he’s also not the _best_.

He’s too quiet, he admit that. Hyunwoo prefers to sit in the back and just _listens_ , instead of initiating a conversation, or joining in one.

He’s not a good talker.

And Hyunwoo tends to avoid conflict and confrontation at all cost, in which while it’s a good attribute to have, it also means that he’s utterly useless in the face of them. Which is actually a bad thing considering that within a group full of young, hot-blooded males there’ll bound to be some (a ** _lot_** ) disputes and disagreements happening between them.

He’s also completely inept in dealing with excessive emotions. It’s not that he lack empathy. He’s just not good at dealing with them. He can deal with Minhyuk’s endless energy and bright personality, and he thinks Jooheon is completely adorable with his cute and vibrant nature.

But whenever he saw Changkyun sitting alone in the corner away from the other boys, face half-covered by the cap on his head, Hyunwoo pretended not to notice the younger boy. Pretended he didn’t see the way Changkyun’s hands tremble slightly. Pretended he isn’t aware of the boy’s hesitation and wariness about interacting with the others.

And Hyunwoo felt so helpless that he couldn’t do anything for the poor kid, but he’s just _not good_ at things like this.

And so pretended not to see.

Only keeping an eye on the youngest on the side without engaging him.

 

Because Hyunwoo is a terrible leader

 

Because Hyunwoo is not like Hoseok.

 

Hoseok, just like how he accepted Kihyun, welcomes Changkyun with the same warm eyes. Among the first ones to come up to the boy after the final line up was announced and congratulated him for making the group.

Hoseok who always try to include Changkyun into whatever it is the team’s doing, who encourages the young boy to initiate conversation with the other members, and who sticks to the youngest whenever he notices the boy’s sudden distant demeanour.

 

So, really, Hyunwoo could see where Kihyun’s coming from.

 

Hoseok will make a great leader, because he’s strong where Hyunwoo’s not.

 

Hoseok has all the qualities that Hyunwoo lacks to lead the very much young team.

 

So he _does_ understand.

 

But Hyunwoo wouldn’t pretend that it didn’t hurt when Kihyun looked at him with such distaste in his usually soft brown eyes.

When the smaller abruptly loses his blinding smile upon seeing Hyunwoo’s face.

When Hyunwoo is the only person that he didn’t initiate a conversation to without any importance.

But it’s okay.

Because Hyunwoo, despite being the most distant person from Kihyun at that time, knows that the smaller boy is actually the kindest person amongst them, the most passionate about the team of all seven.

Because Kihyun loves the team more than anything else.

He’s just not ready to accept Hyunwoo.

 

Eveything takes time.

 

Hyunwoo believes that.

 

* * *

 

 

He can’t remember when exactly that he starts falling for the other male.

 

It was 4 months after their debut.

Everyone was already settled in by that time.

Group dynamics were established, and the members got to know each other more deeply (Hyunwoo think that’s inevitable considering that all of them are with each other 24/7).

Some’re still awkward with the other, and some’re inseparable, but Hyunwoo didn’t really worry. Everything takes time.

Changkyun had become closer to the others, Jooheon in particular. The two youngest often spending time together upon learning of their mutual passion for composing.

One thing that’s really apparent was how Kihyun naturally took the role as the ‘maternal’ figure of the group. Making sure all the members have their complete sets of meals, keeping the dorm clean and sanitary for living, ensuring all the boys get a good rest (as good as it could _especially_ during promotional period).

 

And Hyunwoo’s so grateful for Kihyun, for his efforts, and for his dedications.

 

But Hyunwoo kept that to himself.

 

Because while Kihyun no longer look at him with disdain, the boy was still awkward with Hyunwoo. They’re still, admittedly, not the best of friends in the group.

 

But it’s okay, because Kihyun has Hoseok to do that for him.

To appreciate him for his efforts.

To compliment him for his dedications.

To convey wonderful words to him that Hyunwoo himself wanted so badly to but couldn’t.

 

So Hyunwoo finds another way to relay his gratitude (and his heart).

 

Hyunwoo’s not good with words like Hoseok, but he’s better with actions anyway.

 

Hyunwoo started with small things, small gestures. He didn’t want to come out to strong. He didn’t want to scare Kihyun with his abrupt directness.

He reached out to things that’s on places too high for the smaller guy.

He offered to carry the bags whenever they went shopping for groceries (Kihyun initially rejected his help but nowadays he lets Hyunwoo carries all).

He let the smaller to sit in front beside their manager in the van (because he knew that Kihyun hated to be squished in between the rowdy members).

He wakes up as soon as the younger male calls up to him (he didn’t want to make things difficult for the boy, Hyungwon’s already enough as it is).

 

And slowly, his efforts paid off.

 

Kihyun started to open up to him.

 

He learned and remembers how Hyunwoo likes his coffee every morning.

He makes sure to prepare extra portion of breakfast because he noticed that it is never enough for Hyunwoo.

He started to always put a couple of extra shirts in Hyunwoo’s bag each time before he went for work out or dance practice because Hyunwoo tends to underestimate just how much he sweats.

And the most important, in Hyunwoo’s opinion, is how Kihyun started smiling brightly at him every morning whenever he wakes Hyunwoo up. (Hyunwoo won’t lie to himself and admit that it always make his mornings a whole lot better.)

 

Hyunwoo thinks, that is when Hyunwoo starts falling for Yoo Kihyun.

 

* * *

 

Hyunwoo noticed how concerningly thin Kihyun had become.

 

The smaller male had always been among the smallest of them seven, and now he’d become even smaller.

 

Hyunwoo noted his sunken cheeks that were previously round and full (and possibly one of Hyunwoo’s favourite things about Kihyun).

Hyunwoo saw his noticeably more evident ribs past the abs that Kihyun worked (too) hard for.

Hyunwoo looked with concern how much paler his already pale skin had become, which was previously smooth and soft now seemed gaunt and haggard.

 

And Hyunwoo hated it.

Hated how unhealthy Kihyun looked.

Loathed how Kihyun pushed himself too hard to fit into an image that he doesn’t need to be.

Despised how Kihyun had to restrain himself from enjoying meals that he loves so much.

 

The others also took notice of this, and made their concern apparent to the boy.

 

What they (and Hyunwoo) failed to notice was how the light in the male’s eyes getting dimmer every time they voiced out their disapproval of his current condition, how his jaw tightened each time someone pointed out how they prefer the previous Kihyun to the current.

 

It’s not until Hoseok gathered them all (sans Kihyun) one night and pointed out the major flaw of their methods that everyone realised that what they’re doing only made things worse.

 

Kihyun doesn’t need their approvals for how his body is supposed to look.

Kihyun wasn’t doing all those hardworks just to be told how he’s better off like he was before.

Kihyun shouldn’t be told what to look like just because they prefers him in some shape than the other.

 

What’s important, Hoseok had emphasized, is that Kihyun is healthy and everyone should support him in whatever his decision regarding his own body (or himself as a matter of fact).

 

Hyunwoo noticed how Kihyun’s body visibly becoming less tense after everyone had apologized to him of their ignorance, and Kihyun also assured them that he’ll started to eat more healthily.

 

It was at that time that Hyunwoo was hit with the cold, hard fact that no matter how much closer he and Kihyun had become, no one could understands the male like Hoseok does.

 

Because when everyone else were busy concerning themselves at the wrong thing, Hoseok had already decipher the state of Kihyun’s mind.

 

 

Hyunwoo noticed how thin Kihyun had become.

 

Hoseok noticed how troubled Kihyun mind was.

 

And that, Hyunwoo thinks, is not something that he is able to do no matter how hard he desperately tries.

 

Hyunwoo now understand, that there are some things that even time can’t fix.

 

* * *

 

 

Hyunwoo thinks how ironic it is that the moment he realised how impossible his love towards Kihyun is, the more he falls for the other man.

 

The more he tried to distant himself from the boy, the closer Kihyun reached to him.

 

He started noticing things about the male that he didn’t notice before.

 

And Hyunwoo kept falling deeper and deeper till he can’t see the light of the surface anymore, and don’t know where the ground lies.

 

He saw the frown on Kihyun’s face whenever Hosoeok sometimes forget the concept of personal space and got too close to the other boys, and Hyunwoo wanted so badly to go over and smoothen the lines on Kihyun’s forehead because such beautiful face shouldn’t be marred with any expression other than happiness and content.

 

But Hyunwoo couldn’t do that. How could he go and assure the boy of how Hoseok only ever looks at him differently than the others? That Kihyun is the only special one for the second oldest.

Hyunwoo isn’t strong enough for that.

People may call him selfless but even Hyunwoo isn’t _that_ mean to himself.

 

So Hyunwoo kept silent whenever that happen and instead, went quietly to Kihyun’s side.

He’s not good at starting and maintaining a conversation, but its fine because Kihyun himself is enough to talk for both of them ( Hyunwoo realised how one sided their ‘conversation’ tends to be but it doesn’t matter because Hyunwoo’s a better listener anyway).

 

He pretended not to notice Hoseok’s cold eyes on them the whole time Kihyun talked his ears off (Hyunwoo knows it’s a petty thing but he can’t help but to feel that he’s _finally_ upped Hoseok in regard to Kihyun).

 

Hyunwoo noticed how Kihyun tends to linger longer around Hoseok’s bed every morning whenever he wakes everyone up (not a hard thing to notice when Hoseok’s bed is literally the opposite of his).

Hyunwoo doesn’t like to feel envious especially towards his same-age friend who is too nice of a person. So he started to stall time whenever Kihyun goes to wake _him_ up.

He pretended to be too sleepy to open his eyes, or too lazy to move his big body up. That always manage to annoy Kihyun but at least now he also spend more time around Hyunwoo’s bed.

 

Again, Hyunwoo pretended not to notice Hoseok’s frown towards him from his bed opposite of Hyunwoo’s (everyone knows Hyunwoo is the easiest person to wake, except for Kihyun apparently).

 

Hyunwoo knows he’s playing around with fire.

 

And he already know that he would ended up burnt.

 

It’s only a matter of when, and how much of him would be destroyed by the flame that he ignited himself.

 

* * *

 

The burn started when he saw Kihyun and Hoseok cuddled up to each other closer than any other normal friends would be on a sofa under a blanket.

 

Because while Hoseok is infamous for his affinity for human touch, Kihyun on the other hand has never been too keen on PDA.

 

So, seeing Kihyun so comfortably curling his smaller body around Hoseok’s bigger one had really pierced Hyunwoo’s heart more than it should.

 

It was during a not-so-typical Saturday evening, on the rare occasion that all of them were free of any group or individual schedule, and each one of them were too lazy to go out.

Thus the impromptu movie night with popcorns and cheap beers the two youngest grabbed from the convenient store below their building, and pillows and blankets belonging to each of them scattered around forming a somewhat messy nest.

 

It was a nice evening spent together watching a movie none of them would be willing to spend money on normal basis when they’re on their own, and Hyunwoo trying his hardest to convince himself that it didn’t hurt seeing Kihyun and Hoseok snuggling and giggling to each other, whispering into each other’s ears, completely oblivious of their surroundings.

 

And Hyunwoo wasn’t the only one noticing it.

 

Hyunwoo saw from the corner of his eyes how their youngest tried to discreetly supress a smile from forming upon seeing the two person he (secretly, _not-so-secretly_ ) cherished the most being all lovely towards each other.

Hyunwoo supposes that it’s inevitable, really, that if there’s anyone that wanted the two to get together the most, then that person would be Changkyun himself.

It’s no secret to anyone that while claiming that he loves all his hyungs equally, Changkyun has a special soft spot for Hoseok and Kihyun. And Changkyun, being the eerily perceptive individual that he is, had long since noticed the attraction between the two members even possibly before Hyunwoo did, despite being the last person to be introduced to everyone.

So for obvious reasons, Changkyun had been vying for his two favourite hyungs to admit to each other’s feeling for as long as anyone can remember.

 

While Hyunwoo knows that it’s not the youngest fault, he couldn’t help but to feel pained at the fact that someone else other than himself realised how perfect Hoseok and Kihyun are for each other.

Because then it’d make it feels _real_.

That Hyunwoo really doesn’t stand a chance fighting for something he never should be involved with in the first place.

 

From that onwards, the flame keeps burning, and slowly, the smoke started to suffocate Hyunwoo’s lungs.

 

* * *

 

 

The flame started burning his skin when Hoseok suddenly confronted him one day.

 

Hyunwoo could already predict what the other wanted to say from the way Hoseok’s eyes seemed to fill with suppressed confidence, and steady determination.

 

“ _I’m going to confess to Kihyun.”_

 

Hoseok said with a firm stance, and absolutely zero hesitation. Hyunwoo knew the man’s not asking for permission.

It’s not Hyunwoo’s to give anyway.

 

“ _I know you like him too, and I respect that.”_

 

Hyunwoo supposed he should feel surprised by the revelation that someone knew about his feeling towards their main vocal, but he really wasn’t. Hoseok’s much more observant than he lets on.

 

“ _I’m telling you this because I respect you as a leader, and as a friend, but I have absolutely no intention of giving him up. Even for you.”_

 

Hoseok, Hyunwoo concluded, has the kindest of heart but also the strongest of will.

Hyunwoo thinks that if he’s in Hoseok’s shoe, he too will never give Kihyun up for anyone.

 

Too bad it’s not Hyunwoo that’s in Hoseok’s place.

 

Because if it is, then Kihyun would long since be his.

 

“ ** _Okay._** ”.

 

And the fire burns Hyunwoo’s whole being until he crumbles into ashes.

 

* * *

 

 

For as long as Hyunwoo knows, Kihyun has always been Hoseok’s man.

 

From the moment he laid eyes onto the older, until the time Hoseok finally asked him to be his.

 

Kihyun has never had any change of heart, or even a slight sway of feeling.

 

Hyunwoo supposes that it’s utterly naïve of him to even hope that he could actually carve a place in the smaller man’s heart.

Hyunwoo can’t even say that he’s rejected because there’s not even a slight chance for him to compete for Kihyun’s affection in the first place.

Hyunwoo is no competition for Hoseok.

Hoseok had already won since the beginning.

Kihyun had never look upon Hyunwoo with anything more than as a brother, and as a friend.

Kihyun is not the cruel one.

 

Hyunwoo is.

 

He’s cruel to his own self for wishing for a thing he _knew_ he could never have.

 

In the end, Hyunwoo destroys himself for a love not meant to be his. A love only known to him, and the guy who owns the heart that Hyunwoo seeks for.

 

But Hyunwoo will be fine. He always will.

 

There are some things that time cannot fix.

 

But this, _this_ could be healed.

 

Hyunwoo just have to wait.

 

Not matter how long it takes.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a tribute to how dead Showki had become lately, and how Kiho is suddenly rising from the ashes of it's shippers lol. My shipper heart screaming all throughout writing this fic of how Showki deserves better, while my angsty ass cackles in evil and decided Kiho is the way to go. 
> 
>  
> 
> p/s : I really should put the 'one-sided love' tag but like jk


End file.
